Choosing the Right Partner from the Beginning
Love is incredible, and finding the right partner can bring excitement, companionship and happiness into your life. Many of us feel like we are able to find someone to date, but not someone to love for the long-term. While you can never guarantee how any relationship will end, there are a few ways you can improve your odds by choosing the right person from the beginning.
Ask Yourself What You Really Want
A relationship is only going to work when both people share the same vision for the partnership. If you are interested in finding someone to marry and start a family with, then it won’t serve you well to date someone who is charming and charismatic but has no desire to ever tie the knot.
One of the biggest causes of trouble and heartbreak in relationships is that a couple doesn’t want the same things. Rather than accepting this fact, people often get caught up trying to change themselves or the other person. In the right relationship, there will have to be compromise, but you’ll never have to alter your deepest wants, dreams or identity to make things work.
The longer you stay single, the more likely you are to begin lowering your standards in order to find someone. This can eventually cause you to tolerate things that violate your personal boundaries like a need for personal space or delaying physical intimacy until you’re close with someone. Although lax boundaries can allow you to meet more people, you’re prone to choosing the wrong people, feeling more anxiety and carrying a sense of personal betrayal with you. In extreme cases, poor boundaries in dating can put you at a higher risk of experiencing abuse.
Make a List of Values
While physical attraction and chemistry should come naturally, there are certain things that you need to ask a partner to know. Your fundamental beliefs about life are your values, and you need to share them with a partner in order for the relationship to be truly satisfying. Your values shape how you see yourself, what you strive for and what you believe in.
Identifying core values in a relationship can help you choose the right person and be more true to yourself. Some examples include:
- Communication. How do you like to speak and share? How do you connect with your partner?
- Financial habits. How do you view money and how do you want to spend it and save it?
- Anger and stress. How do you handle these emotions, and what would you need to see from a partner to feel safe?
- Sex and intimacy. How open and exploratative do you want to be in ways you engage in sex? How would you like physical and emotional intimacy to play out on a day-to-day basis?
Heal From Past Relationships
Before you start a new relationship, it’s important to heal from the ones you’ve already experienced. What went wrong? Do you still carry pain, guilt or heartache with you? Could you be dealing with a fear of abandonment or intimacy that’s causing you to choose the wrong people? Therapy can help you address all of these things and build a healthy foundation.
When you have self-love and feel whole as you are, you will be able to enjoy a fulfilling life with or without a partner. When you do date, you’ll be able to be more assertive and make better decisions about the type of people you get involved with.
If you’re interested in therapy and how it could help you, contact Foundations Family Counseling today.